my meeting with giants

last week i met 2 people who left me very impressed.
Edmund Terence Gomez and Phar Kim Beng.
they have showed me what it is to be a man, a human being. its been a long time since i last felt the warm tingle of genuine encouragement.
for a long while, i thought i had lost the ability to feel excited again, too scared to seek any adventures anymore, too busy being framed in my own little world.
that brief meeting had re ignited that passion for the unknown. though my path hence forth would be threaded in much more care, & with a partner in life. i could suddenly see how one suffering from depression would feel. all that responsibility from promises made or self expectations, like the snow of Shiga highland-- a staple beauty in the winter season one moment, and a killer avalanche in the next. i only hope that wont end up in such a situation and pray that those who do may find their way out safely and swiftly.

perhaps fate has made this my opportunity to strive and reach high. never have i felt more pressured in various facets of life... spousal duty, filial obligation, need for self advancement etc etc, all i need to do is pick up the courage, stay focused and act quick.

problem is though courage i now gained, but directions are too many i dont know how to proceed. direct advancement to further postgrad is out of the discussion, though i personally would want to stay close to the academia with the hopes of returning in the short future. yet founding a family at this juncture of life doesnt seem to allow such indulgent options, hence would i go into a field of finance, trade, commerce becoming a sure provider? or find a compromise between them, a post in marketing, research, etc others i do not know... how should i proceed from now on? that is the question.

hmm... much past bedtime now. good nite & sweet dreams.

N